Thursday, July 15, 2010

Top 10 Stinkiest Thinks About ... (part 2)

6. Annoying Cramping: The plus side is that you haven't had a period for about 10 months, but the negative side is that your body was just storing up all those cramps for you. How kind. Really. As your sweet little uterus contracts, you will feel cramping just like during your period. Or worse. When breast feeding you will notice this out loud in living color. For some women it is intense. For others it is just unpleasant. Remember that Tylenol we talked about? Take it. Don't try to be a hero. After a month this too shall pass. On a positive note, it means your stomach is looking flatter and flatter.

7. Constant Hunger: You thought you were hungry while pregnant? Ha. Welcome to breast feeding. For those of you not nursing, skip this number. But for you Boobie Girls, you are burning through some calories. And you will be hungry with a capital H. So stock up on HEALTHY snacks. Apples, almonds, hummus and veggies. Whatever. Do not believe the LIE that you can eat whatever you want. You can...if you want to get fat. Or keep that baby weight around. If you want to LOSE it, feed your black hole of a stomach with the good stuff. And drink loads of water. It helps with your milk production and also keeps you feeling full.

8. Time Warp: Back in the day if you wanted to go to Target at 2:00 you just walked out the door at 1:58. Now that you have a baby that is a done deal. If you have a doctor's appointment at 2:00, start getting ready at 1:00.Get all of baby's stuff together and set it by the door. Give yourself an extra hour. What? Yep, an hour. You never know when baby is going to take a giant blow out dump in his diaper JUST as you were about to get in the car. Or he pukes all over your outfit and you have to run upstairs and change. The more you can do ahead of time and the more lead time you give yourself, the less stressed (and late) you will be when you have to go places.

9. Spit Up: This is your new scent. It is like a "welcome to the club" badge for new moms. Babies spit up. It's just the way it goes. So if you are going to a friend's house for lunch, don't put your cute top on until the last second before you leave the house. Or even put it on in her driveway! Stock up on washable tees because you are going to go through shirts like fireworks on the 4th of July. When you go out, pack an extra outfit for baby, but also pack one for you. Spit happens.

10. Tired Crank: You have heard that life with a newborn pretty much equals sleep deprivation. That is no lie. If you work it right your baby will sleep 12ish hours every night around 8-12 weeks. But getting to that point is no easy task. You are going to be tired. Bottom line. And when you are tired you are cranky. Don't be surprised if you snap at people for no real reason. OMG!!!! YOUR BREATHING IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!! you might say to the person behind you in line at Kroger. Do not beat yourself up. Try to be as nice and understanding as you can with everyone. Even your mother or mother-in-law. And especially to your man. They also need to cut you some slack. You are not really mad at them, just a little on edge because, I don't know, you haven't slept for more than 4 hours in a row for 14 days now?????? If you notice that you are a little psycho, get out of the house. Even if you just take a short walk. Or grab coffee for 20 minutes with a friend. A small taste of "real life" and a new scene does wonders for your mental state. Have some ME time at least once a week. Make it happen.

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